Climbing the Walls Gets Me Nowhere

I never knew pain like this, until you showed up. 

I never knew love, I never knew fear, I never knew desperation until this empty night. 

I never knew I was breakable. I never knew I was so vulnerable.

I hate being this exposed.

And yet, I'm ready to bear all.

I would strip down to the very fibers of existence, if you would just tell me what to do now. 

I cannot function with this knot in the pit of my stomach. 

My day is a bleak, gray fog. 

There is nothing to come home to this week.

I've never been so deflated.

I need your help. This isn't a one man fix. 

I cannot tell you how much I need you to just hold my hand. 

It's a feeling like looking up at the surface, knowing the taste of air...

But you just can't swim fast enough. 

I'm drowning.

I'm suffocating.

This is hell. 

Colder. 

Please, please. 

Just come back home. 

Standing on the Rooftop Ready to Fall

"Trusting you is my decision, proving me right is your choice."

Trust is funny.

It's expected, in certain places. Like it's supposed to be given freely to some.

But, the way I see it, I expect you to earn it.

And that expectation only grows with your importance in my life.

I'm not one to let myself be the idiot.

I will not get taken by surprise, you will not have fooled me for long.

I don't care what it takes, I will protect myself.

I will stomp all over you, I will crush all semblance of function.

If only in self preservation.

How is it that someone can be so undeserving, and still have the audacity to expect they should be trusted?

Sometimes I don't get people.

And faster and faster, I'm losing my resolve to try.